Mark Wahlberg Needs To Clear His Name So He Can Become A Cop (That’s Not His Next Movie, It’s His Real Freaking Life)

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A quick note: You can’t believe how much resistance it took on my end not to spell cop “cawp” and fucking “feckin.”  THE TEMPTATION PEOPLE, THE TEMPTATION.  Anyways, let’s talk about Mahk Waahlburg.  Oh come on, I couldn’t resist that last one!

The eclectic Bostonian is a man of many hats: he’s an actor, he’s a TV producer, he does a reality show with his family and, early in his life, he was both an underwear model AND a rapper.  Now he’s mostly known as the guy who finds Tranformahs in his barn, but he did in fact have quite the colorful past…and that past seems to be currently biting him in the ass.

Because, you see, Wahlberg was a bit of a rapscallion in his day: he went to prison for 45 days back in the early 90’s for the crime of assaulting two Vietnamese men in a bar fight, blinding one and heavily wounding the other.  But according to TMZ, that crime in question perpetuated about 25 years ago is what’s keeping Wahlberg from achieving his newest goal: becoming a police reservist in Los Angeles.


Currently Wahlberg has issued a filling with the Massachusetts Parole Board to strike the crime from his record: after all, a man who’s worked with Michael Bay TWICE can’t be all that bad, right?  And since he’s played cops in many a film (The Departed, The Other Guys, Max Payne, etc.), he pretty much knows everything he would need to know for the position.  Now all he needs to do is to find a way to sweep a violent crime against an ethnic person under the rug…yeah, he’ll certainly make a hell of a cop, won’t he?

We’ll keep you updated on whether or not Wahlberg can achieve his newest dream when we hear more.



  1. Talisha Altomonte

    April 5, 2018 at 7:15 AM

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  2. Quintin Leftridge

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  3. Too many cooks

    April 16, 2018 at 6:48 PM

    These two better settle their score now before everything ends up burnt!

  4. Couple in movie theater

    April 21, 2018 at 5:09 AM

    This has to be the happiest couple on planet Earth!

  5. Couple has the best seat in the house

    April 21, 2018 at 10:38 AM

    These two sure know how to enjoy a movie!

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