Megan Fox and Michael Bay Have Kissed And Made Up, Will Ruin Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Together

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For those who don’t remember (or tried to block it from their memory), last year a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot was in development from producer Michael Bay and director Jonathan Liebesman (who brought us classics like Wrath of the Titans and Battle: Los Angeles).  The script was leaked online to much scorn, as fans realized that the script by Josh Appelbaum changed a great deal of the plot…including a change in the ninja turtles from being both teenage AND mutant (they were aliens instead, because that makes more sense or something).  The project was then stalled, as Paramount didn’t want to commit to the high budget (for good reason).  But now the film has a release date of next May, so of course it’s back on track.  And Michael Bay has brought on an old frenemy to help him out—Megan Fox.

Now for MORE background.  Megan Fox and Michael Bay famously had a huge falling out, with Fox comparing the director to Hitler and other nice things.  Bay even recast Fox with hot chick “actress” Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for the third Transformers film, so obviously the break up was not mutual.  But time heals all rounds as it seems, because Bay has cast Fox in his TMNT live action reboot (which may or may not just be called Ninja Turtles).  Straight from the horses mouth, here’s Bay’s statement via his blog:

TMNT: we are bringing Megan Fox back into the family!

Variety later confirmed that the role is indeed that of April O’Neil, the spunky reporter who’s often partnering with the Turtle foursome.  Fox reportedly beat other hopefuls such as Elizabeth Olsen, Jane Levy, and Anna Kendrick.  Which is a damn shame for those girls—but I guess Fox out car washed everyone again.

In all seriousness—THIS FUCKING BLOWS.  If Bay’s TMNT film didn’t already sound bad enough, Megan fucking Fox for April O’Neil?  Not only is Fox a terrible actress, but she’s completely wrong for the part as well.  She doesn’t have the spunk required for it, nor the moxy!  SHE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THE MOXY!  But what really sucks about this is that all three of those actresses above would have knocked this role out of the park, and I can EASILY picture any of them playing April O’Neil.  But Fox got the role because she’s hot, and because Michael Bay wants to eye fuck her as much as he can.  I don’t think I have enough g’s to describe how I feel about this one, but I’ll do it anyways: ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh.

The film will be hitting theaters May 16, 2014—but I wouldn’t get your hopes up.

-Matthew

-Matthew

  • Lillian Killingbeck

    Can somebody go to Hollywood and cannibalize this whore? I’m sick of her ruining everything I f****** LOVE!!!!

  • Kelli Wallen

    Megan Fox is skanky whore that ruins everything she touches. I bet the only reason Michael Bay brought back the slut is because she’s good on her knees. Also, I heard she wants to do a sailor moon reboot. Why do whores always ruin everything they touch?

  • Kelli Wallen

    Agreed